


Our Whispered Beginning

by Arisprite, kate7h, username_goes_here



Series: Humanity of Souls | Morality of Gods [2]
Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle, xxxHoLic
Genre: Gen, Multi, Noragami AU, Tags to be added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-13
Updated: 2016-06-12
Packaged: 2018-05-13 19:56:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5715169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arisprite/pseuds/Arisprite, https://archiveofourown.org/users/kate7h/pseuds/kate7h, https://archiveofourown.org/users/username_goes_here/pseuds/username_goes_here
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the goddess Sakura finds a homeless, nameless spirit in the desert of Clow, she gives him a place. Syaoran works to understand his new place as a <i>regalia</i> to Sakura, and what it means to be human. </p>
<p>Meanwhile, a spirit named Youou serves under his own goddess of dreams, and a vagrant god runs south, away from his past.</p>
<p>In an AU created with the concepts from Noragami.</p>
<p>Also, Kurogane's name in this is Youou, and there is a reason for that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lost and Found

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Welcome to the first chapter of the first installment of our sprawling Noragami AU, or as we've called it Holitsugami (get it, Holic, Tsubasa, Noragami... eh? eh?) It has been a year long project, following semi-canon events, telling the tale of the main characters of the CLAMP universe as gods, spirits, and humans, protecting the human world from all things otherworldly. 
> 
> Hello! So Ari (Arisprite), Rémy (username_goes_here) and I have been plotting this since last January, and we have much written in both sides of the story, this Tsubasa side, and the xxxHolic side which you can find in this same series here on Ao3, on my ff.net account (kate-7h) and on our individual tumblrs. 
> 
> We encourage you to read both sides of the story, as, like xxxHolic and Tsubasa themselves, the two stories will be sisters, with intertwining parts, and plots. 
> 
> This is the first story of three. Probably. 
> 
> Please let us know if there are any warnings we need to use. Characters are spirits, and so, are dead, but we're not tagging character death... unless they actually disappear from the story. But, things may get dark, and I'd hate to upset anyone. However, be aware this story is rated T for reasons.

_ Where am I? _ The boy thought as he lay on the hard ground, light illuminating red against his closed eyelids.  _ Who am I? _

There was nothing in his mind, just a vacuum of blank space where his memories should have been. It scared him and he shut his eyes tighter, trying to hide from that void.

Although, he did know things. General information, such as language and speech. He knew the heat of the daylight in this desert world, and he knew that when the sun set it would become frigid. These things weren’t memories, there was nothing specific to him, or any indication that he’d ever learned these things. They were simply there, facts ingrained into his brain. But the lack of memories didn't make sense. Somehow he knew he should have them but… didn't.

He opened his eyes to the brightness of the sun. Dust streamed in the rays of light through the splintered wood and rubbled rocks above and around him. Sitting up, he observed that he was sitting in some sort of quarry, caved in on itself. There were steep walls surrounding him as he sat at the bottom of a deep pit. There were bits of debris and sand in his hair and on his robe. He brushed them off as he took in the larger rocks and beams scattered around him and the distance above, Had he fallen? Had the structure collapsed underneath him? He didn't know, but if it had, he'd been very lucky.

Or had he?

He pushed the thought away, feeling fear settling into him for reasons he didn't understand. Standing, the white robe tied around him draped down, brushing the top of his bare feet and the sharp rocks on the ground dug into them. He ignored that and looked up the steep walls. Sitting alone in the musty shadows would get him nowhere. He needed more information and his questions needed answering. And to do that, he needed to find someone.  _ Anyone. _ Trying to shove the uneasy fear from his mind, he grasped the wall and began to climb. 

It hurt as he shoved his bare feet into makeshift footholds, his fingers scraping the wall. The boy ignored it and continued upward. He had to get out, get his bearings. Do something. Pausing to catch his breath, he leaned his head against his hand, which was still gripping the wall. As he moved to climb again, the fingers of that hand caught his eye. Or, that is to say, the lack of fingers. At each tip, they were semi-translucent; the rock wall behind easily visible through them. 

Startled, he let go without thinking. He fell the few feet he’d already climbed and landed on his back to the ground again. He gasped, the unsettled dust flying around him as he tried to catch his breath. He stared up at the blue sky until it stopping spinning. 

_ I don’t belong here _ , He realized acutely. The world in which he lay was the world of the living. But he  _ wasn’t. _ He knew that somehow. Whatever life he’d had was gone from him. It had ended before he’d woken in this pit. 

_ I’m dead? _ Fear returned as he squinted at the high sun. It groped at his insides and made tears fall down his face. He lifted his arm, covering his eyes.  _ How? _

_ Why? _

After a few minutes, he sat up again and wiped his face dry. He looked up the wall with determination. He had no idea what was going on, but dead or alive he was still at the bottom of this pit. Alone and without answers. He needed to act, to move. Grasping the wall once more, he began to climb.

The wall was high, taller than he’d entirely expected. Standing at the bottom had skewed the true perspective. Despite being dead, his toes and fingers were bleeding a little, his muscles shaking. But he pressed on, set on that ledge above him.

Just as he grasped it, a hand appeared in front of him, open to aid him. He tried to look up to see their face, but the sun shone from behind them, obscuring the features. Without another thought, he reached up and grasped the small hand. Together with the stranger, he hauled himself the rest of the way from the cliff edge.

He collapsed on the ground, panting. As he was catching his breath, he nearly forgot about the person who’d helped him up the last bit. That is, until the person began patting his back comfortingly. He rolled over and got to his knees, looking up at them. The person was a girl, not more than sixteen or seventeen years old. Her hair was a light reddish-brown, gold strands shining in the sun and dry desert breeze. Her green eyes shone just as bright, if not more luminously. She smiled sweetly at him.

“Are you alright?”

For a moment, all he could do was stare. Sure, he hadn’t seen much, but she was more breathtakingly beautiful than anything he could imagine. In response to her question, he nodded mutely. 

“Your hands! And your feet!” She exclaimed. She reached out and pulled his hand out to examine his torn up fingertips. “We’ll have to get these bandaged right away!” 

He blinked, feeling his face heat up at the sudden contact. They weren’t bleeding very much, and they hardly hurt. The dirt and grime just made them look worse than they were.

“I’m okay, uh…” Trailing off, he gingerly pulled his hand back.

Her face turned red, and she let go of him immediately, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to um…”

He found himself smiling at her, “Thank you, for helping me.”

She beamed, “I’m glad I found you! Kero-chan said he saw an uncorrupted spirit stuck down here, so I came to see.”

“Eh?-”

“So,” She clapped her hands together in excitement. “Would you like to be my regalia? I mean, I’ll treat your wounds whether you want to be or not. It’s entirely your choice.”

His brow scrunched in confusion, “W-what?”

“Oh, I guess I should have introduced myself first,” She was suddenly flustered again, tucking her hair behind her ear only for it to fall down again. She inclined her head slightly, “My name is Sakura, a god of fortune, and I guess you can’t introduce yourself yet…”

She knew he didn’t know his name? He was confused for a moment, before the rest of her words hit him.

“God-?” He gasped out. She was a  _ god?! _ He jerked forward, bowing low as his face flushed.

Sakura laughed as she nodded, “So, would you like me to give you a name?”

He sat up again, “I don’t understand, Sakura-sama.”

“Well no one expects you to know yet, you’re brand new to this,” She shrugged. “Regalia are the servants of the gods. We give them names and they become divine instruments for their master. Would you like to be mine?”

He blinked down to the ground, processing the new information. She was a god, couldn’t she restore to him his memory? But since she was offering a new name, maybe she didn’t have that sort of power. He had a million questions, but he couldn’t figure out the words to ask just one. He was scared and confused and alone. There was no where else for him to go. 

Looking back to the god’s kind face, he made his decision. If he stayed with her and became her servant, he would have the time and opportunities to ask the questions he needed answering. But aside from that, she was so warm. He wanted to be in that presence more.

And he didn’t want to be alone again.

“Yes, Sakura-sama. I will be your regalia,” He stated with determination. “I will do my best to serve you.”

Again, Sakura blushed a little before smiling sweetly. Then standing, she closed her eyes and pointed at him with her first and second fingers pressed together. White light illuminated from them as she traced her hand through the air.

“You, with nowhere to go and nowhere to return to. I grant you a place to belong.”

Her eyes opened and he swore her green irises were almost glowing. Suddenly she was no longer the blushing young girl, but the pinnacle of an eternal god.

“My name is Sakura. Bearing a posthumous name, you shall remain here. With this name I make thee my servant. With this name and it’s alternate. I use my life to make thee a regalia. Thou art Ran. As regalia, Hien.” 

She lowered her hand, then swept her arm in and arched out, sending the completed character towards him. It stamped itself on him, piercing his soul. Defining him. He felt the light burn as it seared itself onto the back of his shoulder.

“Come, Hien!” She shouted, reaching to him. That white light surrounded him. He raised his arms, shielding his face as a reflex. It twisted around him until he was absorbed in it, it transforming him. And then he felt her hand grip him, but he wasn’t himself anymore. He was long, almost taller than she was. His surface was smooth wood, like a tree beaten and degraded by many years of sandstorms. 

_ I’m a staff? _ It was all very disorienting. To become something else so suddenly. He felt incredibly strange. 

“Syaoran,” Sakura said softly, with resolution.

Then as if nothing had happened, he was himself again. The light dissipated as he collapsed to the ground, blinking dazedly. He moved to stand again, his robe swishing with the movement. He looked down to his hands, the fingers dirty and bloody, but complete. No longer fading away to nothing. He felt stronger as well, not so much in his body, but in his spirit. It was hard to completely understand, and harder still to put into words. There was something inside him, at the core of his very existence, that wasn’t there before. It grounded him, solidified him. 

He looked up to her with excitement, with awe, but those quickly turned into concern as he saw her. Tears were falling down her face, which she hastily brushed away. But there was still a small smile gracing her lips.

“What’s wrong?” He fretted, lifting his hands up in her direction. He stopped though, unsure of what to do with them.

“It’s nothing,” Sakura muttered, wiping the water away. “Well Syaoran, let’s go home and take care of your injuries.”

They had started walked, but he stopped mid-step, “That’s my name?”

“Yup!” Sakura nodded happily. “Your name is Ran, and as a vessel, Hien, and as a person, Syaoran.”

He let out a breath, feeling a little bit overwhelmed. His hand pressed to his chest as warmth filled him. Warmth, which had nothing to do with the desert sun, settling pleasantly in his heart.

Sakura bowed her head, her fingers touched to her own heart. She let out a contented sigh and grasped his hand, “Let’s go home.”

“Yes,” He replied with a nod and a blush.

_ Syaoran _ . He found himself grinning happily as Sakura dragged him down the sandy path.

  
  
  


* * *

 

 

Youou swung his sword. The blade cut through the air like nothing else, almost no resistance through the wind. Sweat was clinging to the underlayer of his yukata, and Youou could feel his breath shortening just a bit, even in the cool temperatures of Heaven’s eveningfall. The air was fragrant and almost sharp as Youou made even strokes, his movements precise and perfect. His hands gripped the wrapped leather of the handle, feeling the enchantments that had been laid into the long, plain katana that his goddess, Tomoyo had acquired for him centuries ago. The metal was well cared for, and still just as sharp as it had been the day he’d gotten it, when he’d sliced his thumb open on the fine edge. He was more careful now. 

As he swung the sword, his eyes caught flashes of the kanji on the back of his right hand, that named him and spelled out who he was, (You, short for Youou, as a regalia Kanzashi), Tomoyo had given him that. 

Youou took a breath as he finished his kata, bringing the blade to a halt, before he whirled and sliced up the belly of a straw stuffed practice dummy. It’s insides began to fall, but not before two other strokes sliced it into four pieces. He let it fall to the ground with a smirk of pride, at his speed, his strength. He paused, blade extended, before he shouted, and flipped, bringing the sword down in a final, killing stroke. 

“Borderline!” he yelled, and a wave of white light emerged from the edge of the blade, slicing down the pole the dummy had rested again, as well as the corn stalks that waved in the field distant. Youou relaxed his stance, and huffed. 

There was a slow clap from behind him, and Youou cursed to see the only person in all of Heaven and earth (aside from Tomoyo herself) who could sneak up on him. 

“What is it, Souma?” he snapped at his former teacher. She smiled, her sharp haircut falling in front of her face, but in nowise gentling her features. 

“I admire how hard you practice, Youou, but don’t you think you’re overdoing it?” Souma said. “You’ve been out here for hours. Worried you’re not good enough?”

Youou growled. “I’m plenty good.” He’d better be after two hundred years.

Souma smiled, still teasing. “Then why don’t you just relax a little? The world isn’t ending right now.”

Souma did have a right to suggest he rest. She had been his trainer in the sword and other things, when he’d first come to this temple, as a new regalia, wide eyed, angry and confused. It was because of her and her lover (another of Tomoyo’s regalia) Kendappa that he didn’t blight Tomoyo first thing, with the state of his emotions then.

But still.

“You’re as annoying as ever, Souma,” Youou growled, and walked off towards the main body of the temple.

He, Souma, and Kendappa were regalia to Tomoyo, the goddess of dreams, moonlight and the night. She lived in her temple in Heaven, with a corresponding shrine on earth, and had many followers and believers. She spent her time caring for the people who believed in her, giving good dreams, and keeping an eye on the bad ones. She also always eased the nightmares of children. 

Youou had also heard, in the two centuries he’d served her, that she could see the future, that her own dreams were a seer’s visions, and if she spoke them aloud, then they’d come true. Youou had never seen any evidence of that, yea or nay, but if Tomoyo told him it were so, he’d probably believe it. 

Youou entered the temple complex, mostly halls of worship and ceremony, with small living quarters in the back. The three of them were Tomoyo’s only regalia, as it was harder on a god the more regalia they had. Youou had a living quarters, a large bath, and access to the full temple. Down below, on earth, Tomoyo’s followers were happy and solid, and life was peaceful. 

This was probably the very reason that Youou practiced for hours with the katana. 

In different times, in the days when Youou had been found, a weak, angry spirit, hovering over bloodstained land with no memories of how he got there, or who he was, Tomoyo had needed a warrior. Protection, and strength were why she’d picked him, and why she had Souma and Kendappa. The goddess of the night was powerful, and she warred with other gods for the right to be remembered. For those who were remembered carried on, even after death. Tomoyo had never been killed, never needed to reincarnate, but he was glad to have the reassurance that she would return again, even if it was as a memoryless child. It would still be her. 

Not that he intended on letting her die. Ever. 

It had been a different time back then, when ayakashi were large, and active, and they targeted regalia and humans alike. Tomoyo had used all three of their forms in battle… but Youou’s fighting form was useless without her, so he’d learned the sword on his own as well. Souma and Kendappa had trained him in the warrior’s way very well. 

Youou cleaned off, and changed into fresh clothes, tying the sash around his waist, and the sword belt to that, even though the clothes were far too casual for that. Then there was a soft knock on his door. 

“Youou,” said the owner of the knock, and Youou turned to face his goddess. Tomoyo stood in his doorway, looking gentle as always, her small form draped in formal kimono and a delicate headdress. She gave off the impression of fragility, but if she moved a certain way, then you could see the iron center to her nature. The girl was stubborn as she was graceful. 

“Tomoyo-hime.” Youou bowed. She smiled. 

“Youou, I’ve told you that you don’t need to call me a princess,” she said, smiling. 

“Humph,” he replied. Youou called her a princess, because that had been the first thing he said when he became aware, sure that this girl in her shining robes and gentille smile must be a princess. By this point, it was a habit. 

Tomoyo laughed behind her hand, and sobered a little, looking right into him, as she had the right to do. 

“I have sensed your emotions, as of late,” she said, and Youou looked down, those emotions rising up. She nodded, lifting a finger. “Why are you angry, Youou?” 

Youou clenched his fist, and tried to control himself. 

“Souma was bugging me,” he said, which was true. 

Tomoyo shook her head. “No, that’s not the whole picture…” Tomoyo breathed out, letting her hand fall to clasp in front of her. “If you’re bored, I can find you things to do.” 

Youou growled, turning away so his princess didn’t have to see his face. It wasn’t boredom, exactly, as much as growing sense of dream, of restlessness, that things had been peaceful for too long. 

“I heard you destroyed another practice dummy.” 

“Yeah, so? That’s what they’re for,” Youou replied, and Tomoyo breathed out, pulling back the presence of her power. 

“I suppose you’re right. You should rest. We have a night of dreaming ahead of us.” 

Youou turned back, and nodded. “Yes, milady.”   
  
  
  


 

* * *

 

 

The old chapel had blood on the floor. It was on the crackled tile, seeping into the places the plaster underneath showed through. It was spattered up onto the walls, where strange, decidedly non-religious artwork hung. It was on the couch, that had the spring that jabbed Fai’s tailbone, every time he sat there, smoking a cigarette and lounging with the other gods. They were all dead. 

Fai knelt, so there was blood on his knees too, panting and staring at the scene. The usual scene, apparently, as Ashura had done this before, again and again. Nine gods and regalia were dead, killed. And in the midst of it, the man was sleeping, his long black hair spread out around him. He wouldn’t wake, not for a while, anyway. Fai had made sure. 

Fai breathed heavily, and closed his eyes to the sights around him, trying to hide, to ignore, to go back to the life he had been living before, here with the other no-name gods, trying not to disappear. 

Then, Ashura shifted. His magic was strong, after all, strong enough to save him, all those centuries ago. He shifted, and Fai ran. 

~

Fai D. Flourite settled back into the seat of the train, taking in the warm aura of the evening travellers, smelling like perfume and money. He enjoyed riding the train, he’d found over the centuries. Everything in his head would calm, the thoughts that circled around themselves were dulled by the noise of the tracks, blurring into background noise. He could  _ think _ . Or not think, as tended to be his habit.

_ Gods, how hadn’t he noticed? _

Fai rubbed his face, and tried to push away the thoughts. It was nice to be out of the cold. He didn’t have a shrine ( _ or a temple or worshippers or friends or regalia or anything _ ) and so he had nowhere to go. The north was a cold, poor and bitter place, and he’d been lucky to sneak aboard this train where the last of the rich blew their savings on travel to warmer countries.

Shifting in his seat, Fai realized he’d been pressing his knees to his chest, and so he lowered them. He was a god. He had power immeasurable, and he could protect himself. He’d been doing it for years after all, as Ashura had trained him well. Ashura was strong, but he was stronger. And, if he found him… well, he’d cross that bridge if or when it ever came to that.

Which it wouldn’t.

Ever.

Shaking off the thoughts, and the clawing sense of pursuit, Fai wriggled downwards into the not-as-soft-as-it-could-be cushion. It wasn’t a cheap train: heading through the borders was pricey- not really something the layman would ever attempt. But Fai thought that the quarters could be a  _ little _ more comfortable, to say nothing of on board meals and drinks. Ah, he could go for a drink right now.

He got situated, with his feet up on the dark window, twisted on the seat. Then, he blinked, and turned his head towards the aisle, almost having to bend backwards to do it. Fai came face to face with an upside-down child.

Well, he supposed he was the upside-down one, wasn’t he?

The child, a little girl with curly blonde pigtails, and a thick fur coat - obviously her family was rich enough to take this train, but poor enough to not pay a nanny to keep track of the little brat - was staring at him with her finger in her mouth. It was always such an odd feeling to be stared at, given that he was mostly unnoticeable to the general populace. 

Then she poked his nose with a slobbery finger.

“Ewww!” Fai flailed upright, twisting around to wipe off the drool, wincing dramatically. “Blegh.”

She giggled. The little monster. He sent her a glare.

“What?” he said, still rubbing at his face. She was smiling, tipping up to her toes and back down again, surprisingly balanced for the movement of the train (which had definitely _not_ made Fai wobble a bit when he first got up to search for food - of which there was none)

She babbled, something about potatoes and a kitty, interspersed with la la las. Ugh, children…

He straightened up, and began to gently push the child away.

“Alright, little one. Time to go back to your family…” He desperately looked around for anyone who might be missing a child. No one looked remotely interested, or even like they should be rearing children. Fai slumped, before rubbing his forehead. “Fine...I’ll help you find your parents...if I must.”

The brat wouldn’t move unless he let her hold on to his finger, so with her moist grip around his index finger - which he swore to himself that he’d wash before he did  _ anything _ else - he set off, leading her past every seat in their compartment, hoping someone would recognize her.

“I hope you’re happy,” he hissed to her, as she dawdled along. “ _ I  _ was comfortable, and then you came along and ruined it. I was just enjoying being warm... I suppose you wouldn’t know what it means to be cold.” He found he hoped she didn’t. Flashes of lightning and sea water and stone sent a shudder through him before he pushed them away. Then he squinted down at the cheerful little one. She smiled a gummy smile, and tugged on his hand, pointing.

“Elicia!” There was a shout, and a man and woman were tripping over their feet, trying to get out into the corridor of the train. They looked frazzled, and full of relief to see the little girl - Elicia, presumably. “Elicia, where have you been?!”

The man scooped her up into his arms, while the woman cooed in her face. Fai rolled his eyes, and then cupped his hand to his mouth.

“You’re welcome!” he shouted lightly. Almost no one heard, though he saw a few people 

twitch, like they were shaking off a fly. The mother looked up, confused for a moment, before turning her face back to the little girl. Ah well.

Fai tucked his hands into his pockets, and went back to his seat. Outside, past his own pale reflection, he could see vaguely the snowy hills passing by. In the morning, they’d be grassy and the air would grow warmer. He was heading  _ south _ . South where no one would find him. South where the tang of sea water rode on the air - it was warm and different, but similar enough to make him sick - and Yuuko’s temple remained untouched in the middle of a city.

That was where he was headed. Yuuko. He had to talk to Yuuko. 

But first, he needed to acquire some good wine.


	2. Temple of Fortune

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Syaoran learns what life is like as a regalia in Sakura's temple.

Syaoran was quiet as Sakura led him down the road, holding his hand light in hers. His eyes darted to and fro, taking in every sight they could. The desert seemed to go on for miles and miles, extending past the horizon. The air was cool, but the sunshine was warm, and growing warmer the longer they walked under it. It must've been early morning when Sakura had found him, but as far as he could see, there were no settlements of any sort. No where that could be defined as a residence, especially for a god.

"Um… Sakura-sama? Just where are we going?" Syaoran asked tentatively.

"Oh!" Sakura replied excitedly. "To heaven, of course! We just need to get to a shrine, then we can go on up."

"O-oh…" Syaoran flushed. "Of course." _Should've guessed that._

It felt like he shouldn't ask too many questions. Honestly, he didn't want to bother her, even though he felt like he would burst with the amount of curiosity in his head. How were they going to ascend? Just like that? Was it some sort of magic? Did she do it often? What would it feel like? _How is it even possible?_

Syaoran clamped his mouth shut, dragging his bare feet through the sand.

"See that up there?" Sakura said excitedly, pointing ahead of them.

Syaoran squinted, looking out at a small looking structure at the side of the road. "Is that your shrine?"

"Yes, and very nice one for travelers to pray at while travelling along this road. I'm grateful to the mortal who thought to place this one here. His name was Lars, I think…"

He nodded. Not knowing what to respond with, he examined the shrine as they approached. It wasn't very large, the height of it coming up to his shoulders, so it was over a meter tall. Measure lengths would probably be easier if he knew how tall he himself was, though. The foundation was built up of smooth stones, probably to withhold against the elements. It was constructed from light colored wood, those surfaces also weathered. It was very nice overall. Simple and pretty, just like the god it represented.

He shook his head, ignoring the light blush that came over his face. "So what do we do now, Sakura-sama?"

Sakura smiled and held out her hand, wiggling her fingers. Syaoran blinked, the flush in his cheeks returning. Slowly, he took her hand again. Sakura smiled brilliantly. "Hang on and enjoy the ride!"

There was a glistening around them and then they were lifted. It was faster than he could've imagine, the flashes of colors and lights zipping by at the speed of sound. It was insane, and weirdly felt very similar to the feeling of being transformed into his regalia form. This time though it was the world around him being transformed, not his own being.

As fast as it had started, it was over. The world settled into clearer vision, but… it wasn't the world of sand and wind. There were rolling fields and forests in the distance, no longer the sandy desert. The sun felt different somehow too, not just the different feel of is rays through different regions, but it was brighter somehow. Warmer in his very spirit. Surreal. This was no longer earth, and Syaoran resisted the nausea he felt. It was so alien and beautiful, but at the same time very off putting. But not just the sight, there was different feel to the air and to the ground as he walked across it. Heaven felt fluid somehow. Strange. It wasn’t something he was used to, and he wasn’t entirely sure he liked it very much.

Sakura was beside him, taking in a deep breath as she seemed to visibly relax, more than she already was. "It's nice to be back," she said contentedly, more to herself than to him. Then she leaned a smile at him which brought the color rising to his face.

"C'mon, my temple's just this way. Follow me!"

"Uh- okay," he got out, letting her drag him through the grassy field.  

* * *

 

Syaoran woke up to sunlight on his face. He squinted his eyes against it, rolling into the pillow underneath his head. But it was no use, he was awake. Letting his eyes adjust to the light, he looked around the room. The tatami floor was covered with sleeping forms, tucked into futons.

Sitting up, Syaoran figured he was awake pretty early, since no one else had budged. He stretched his arms over his head, then carefully made his way to the door, trying not to step on anyone.

_I wonder if Sakura’s awake yet_ , Syaoran thought absentmindedly as he got ready for the day. He’d been at the temple for a couple days now, and decided it really was nice. The regalia were nice, and once he'd gotten used to it, the scenery was nice. It was just a pleasant, peaceful place in Sakura's heavenly temple.

He wished he didn’t feel so uncomfortable though, but that was his own problem. He figured he’d get over it as he spent more time there. Got to know more people. It was a good place with many good people, he could already see it.

Sitting down at the step before the door, he tugged on the boots he’d been given and laced them up. Then he opened the door to the bright, morning sun shining brightly. He stepped out and found himself wandering around the spacious courtyard garden. It was a truly beautiful sight. There was green grass which shone with moisture, bulky boulders strewn about artistically, and even large golden flowers which were almost as tall as he was. They stretched up to the sun, swaying a little in the light breeze.

“They’re called sunflowers,” someone said from behind him.

Syaoran jumped, started at the sudden voice. He turned to see Sakura’s lead smirking lightly at Syaoran’s startled face.

“Keroberos-san!” Syaoran said. “Uh- good morning.”

“Mornin’,” Keroberos replied lazily. Keroberos was a tall man, a little more than a head taller than himself. He had blond hair tied back into a ponytail, showing off the red jewel piercing in his ear. Keroberos casually slipped his hands into his pockets, tilting his head at the flowers. “And there’s no need to be so wound up, kid. It’s completely safe here.”

“Right,” Syaoran said with a nod. It wasn’t really that he felt scared or unsafe, he was just a bit startled. He frowned, then looked again at the sunflowers.

Keroberos breathed in a breath, then patted Syaoran’s shoulder, “So how’re you liking it so far?”

Syaoran half smiled, then shrugged, “It’s nice. I mean, I’ve never known any other place before, so there’s nothing to compare it to.”

"Well, yeah," Keroberos replied. "None of us can remember stuff like that!"

Syaoran's brows creased. He knew _he himself_ didn't remember his past, but he hadn't known it was the usual. "Really?" he asked, wishing there was some sort of exception to this rule.

"Obviously," the lead replied shortly.

He frowned at the lead, then the flowers which seemed more dull than they had before.

* * *

 

“One of the most important things for a regalia to know is how to defend themselves without milady,” Rika said as she stood next to the bench where Syaoran sat.

There was a lot to remember as he trained to become a good regalia. Because of this, Syaoran was very grateful to Rika for volunteering to teach him. And that his teacher didn’t end up being Keroberus. There was just an air about the lead regalia that was disconcerting, and Syaoran found that he didn't much like spending time with him.

Syaoran shrugged it off and paid attention to what Rika was telling him.

She stopped talking and lifted her hand. Before he could ask what she was doing, she sliced her fingers through the air.

“A line!”

Syaoran started at the bright light which appeared on the ground where she’d pointed.

“What is that?” Syaoran asked in awe.

Rika smiled as the line disappeared, “It’s a borderline. This is something we regalia can use to shield ourselves. It’ll act like a barrier between yourself and an ayakashi.”

Syaoran stood in excitement, “How do I do it?”

“Well,” Rika held up her hand to show the placement of the fingers. “You point with your first two fingers, and then you draw a line between yourself and what you want to protect against.”

He nodded, then pulled his arm to try.

“A-a line!”

He drew the line before his feet, but nothing happened. Staring at his hand in disappointment, Rika patted his shoulder, “You don’t have to get it on the first try. Keep practicing and you’ll be fine.”

He smiled, then turned and bowed, “Thank you, Rika-sensei.”

She bowed back shyly, “If you ever have any questions, just ask me. I’ll answer to the best of my knowledge.”

“Yes, I will.”

“So how’re you getting along, Syaoran?” A voice said suddenly.

Syaoran jumped and turned to see the goddess standing right behind him. He took a few steps back and ducked into a low bow, “Good morning, Sakura-sama.”

Both she and Rika giggled and Syaoran blushed. Sakura leaned down to his face level and smiled, “You don’t have to be so formal. Just Sakura is fine!”

He stood up again, facing her, “Uh-”

“What have you been learning?”

“Oh,” Syaoran said, glancing at Rika’s encouraging face for a moment. “I just started learning how to use borderlines.”

Sakura clapped, “I’m sure you’ll pick it up right away, Syaoran.”

Syaoran blinked, then smiled, “Thank you, Sakura-sama.”

“I told you you don’t have to be so formal,” Sakura pouted with her hands on her hips. He blushed again and nodded.

“I’m sorry.”

He practiced a good while more with Rika until it was time for dinner. Syaoran ate, but just wanted to go out and continue practicing. Which he did, resolving to do so on his own, he didn't want to burden Rika anymore than he already was.

“A line!” Syaoran shouted, his voice echoing across the empty courtyard as the sun set across the sky, fading the light into twilight.

Not even a flash. He breathed out harshly in frustration. It shouldn’t have been this hard! It looked like no effort at all when Rika did it.

“A line!” He tried again to no avail.

This was protection. It was important. He’d been taught, so why couldn’t he do it?

He’d been found as an empty spirit, with no memory and nothing to give. Yet, he was taken in by a kind and beautiful goddess. She was the most amazing person he’d ever met. (Although he hadn’t met that many people, but still). She’d given him everything, including the very name he had begun to identify as his own. He wanted to give something back to her.

But he couldn’t even draw the borderline.

“Damn it,” he muttered under his breath.

“You shouldn’t get too worked up.”

Syaoran jerked his head up in the direction of the voice. _What was it with these people always sneaking up on him?_

A man with dark hair and brilliant blue eyes stood a ways away from him on the small, wooden bridge which arched over the koi pond. Eriol, Syaoran recalled his name being. Eriol smiled as he pushed his glasses up his nose. Syaoran eyed him for a moment before walking to join him on the bridge. They were silent for a few minutes, but it was pressing silence where Syaoran wasn’t sure if he should say something or wait for Eriol to.

“Eriol-san, uh..” Syaoran started, but trailed off. Not entirely sure of what he was trying to say.

“What I meant before is that you shouldn’t get too worked up, for the lady’s sake.”

His brows furrowed, “What?”

Eriol smiled at him again, his expression seemed strangely distant in the waning light of twilight, “Has no one explained it you yet?”

“I’ve just learned the borderline,” Syaoran said, confused at how disconcerting it was to talk to this man.

“But no one explained to you to connection between the regalia and their master?”

The conversation was just getting more and more confusing. Between regalia and god? He and Sakura?

“No,” he replied.

Eriol leaned against the rail, looking up at the pale moon, “Well, whatever a regalia feels directly affects his god. Happiness, sadness, shame, anger. Sakura-chan will feel it all.”

Syaoran didn’t say anything. He thought back to all the times he could remember, feeling lost or upset or angry. Had he hurt Sakura? Was he hurting her right now? He ran his hand through his already disheveled hair, face distraught

“Rika-san is your teacher, yes?”

Wordlessly, Syaoran nodded.

“I wonder why she didn’t choose to teach you this first. It is very important. The pain a regalia can unintentionally inflict on their master can be quite severe. Deadly on some occasions,” Eriol said this nonchalantly, as if he were talking about the weather.

It almost felt like someone had punched him in the stomach. Hard enough to leave him breathless. _Deadly?_ He couldn’t even imagine what kind of pain that would be to pass on a deadly amount. And without knowing, he could’ve done that to Sakura if he’d had such intense emotions. To even think of Sakura in that kind of pain hurt him down to the bone. He would do whatever it took to avoid that.

Eriol smiled and patted his shoulder, “Don’t worry so much. Sakura-chan hasn’t been stung in quite a long time. And if you keep a level head about you, then you won’t be the one to break that record."

“Just be honest with yourself and with Sakura-chan. She values and relies on truly genuine people.”

Syaoran closed his eyes, then nodded.

“Thank you, Eriol-san.”

They were quiet again, but it was more comfortable on Syaoran’s part. Or maybe that was because he was thinking about how wonderful Sakura was and how grateful he was for being taken in by her. Syaoran sighed softly, leaning against the rail of the bridge.

Feeling eyes on him, Syaoran glanced up to see Eriol smiling that vague smile at him. He shifted and rubbed the back of his neck, that comfortable feeling was completely gone.

“About your troubles with the borderline. Just remember that it’s protection not just for yourself. It’s a shield to protect those things that are most precious to you. If you stay calm and focus on that and nothing else, you will become much stronger than you are now.”

Syaoran looked back to the rippling water beneath them, the now risen moon reflected its light on the uneven surface.

_The thing most precious to me._ Syaoran frowned at the thought. _I don't even remember what that could be._

There was plenty of space in the temple, but there really weren't many places to go where he could be completely alone. Apparently everyone enjoyed chatting with the newest members, which was nice, but a few days of near-constant attention was incredibly more draining than he would've imagined.

At the end of the day, when most everyone was settling down to sleep, he shut himself in the bathing room and let out a shaky breath. It was almost as if a barrier fell as soon as the others couldn’t see him. A sort of numbness, spreading a creeping heat and chill across his shoulders and neck, then down his arms and over his chest. A twinge of nausea settled in his stomach.

The benefit of being alone was that he could think without so many distractions, and he definitely had accumulated plenty of things to think about.

_Why can I feel this?_

That was one of the only facts he knew to be irrevocably true: That he was dead. Then why could he feel those physical things? Goosebumps had risen along his bare arms in the warm, humid, bathing room. He breathed in the steam and could smell the herbs that were infused in the water. On his fingertips there was scratches from when he’d climbed the wall out of the pit, where Sakura-sama had found him. They'd healed some over the few days he'd been at the temple, though they still throbbed a bit when he touched them.

It was strange to say the least. Jarring. His thoughts were a jumble, separated into the things he knew and an empty space of the things he didn’t. Those vanished memories which should exist, but somehow didn’t. It didn’t make any sense.

He put it aside for the time being, and concentrated on cleaning the dust from his skin. He needed something to do with his hands, to distract himself from thinking right then. Rising off the excess dirt and soap from his skin, he sat himself in the bath. The water was hot, but comfortably so. The world was dark outside the window, thus the light reflecting on it from the inside room illuminated the glass. He could see his face in its reflection. Save for the condensation from the steam, it would have been as clear as a mirror. Biting his lip, he wiped his hand across the surface until the image was discernible.

It was the first time, that he could remember, seeing himself. (He hadn't really looked hard at a mirror much). Syaoran leaned towards the reflection, taking it in. His first thought was how _young_ he looked. Much younger than he would've expected. It startled him, realizing that he most likely couldn't have died of natural causes, not at such a young age.

He swallowed nervously, wanting to put aside those dark thoughts. Instead, he focused on the other features he possessed. His hair was brown, darkened with dampness. His eyes were brown as well, the light catching flecks of oranges and reds in his irises. Being dead, he would have expected paler skin, but his tone was closer to the tan color of the dusty desert. He’d probably spent a lot of time in the sun. Taking in a sharp breath, he turned away from the reflection.

Before fully turning away, he caught sight of the red mark on his back. He tried to twist to get a better look at it.

_The name_ , Syaoran thought as he looked at the word ingrained into the skin of his left shoulder, above the bone. The lines of the design swept together neatly to spell out the character.

_Ran._ His name, bestowed upon him by Sakura-sama. He touched his fingertips to it, feeling the surface. It didn’t feel like ink, or paint, the texture was identical to the rest of his skin. It was as if it was some sort of birthmark. Ingrained into him. Part of him.

He settled back into the water, right hand sliding to the front of his shoulder. There was quiet in the room as he thought; the lapping of the water against the edge of the bath echoing being the only sound.

_Who am I?_

Syaoran thought again. It was almost like an itch he couldn’t quite reach. An emptiness in his mind and heart. The only sense of identity he had was something given to him that morning. Before that, he had nothing. No childhood, no family, nothing. It scared him. There were so many questions, but he wasn’t sure how to word them or who to ask.

Syaoran sighed. He shouldn't be thinking about so many things. His negative emotions could harm Sakura. He laid his head back against the tub, letting the steam swirl around him, trying to think of nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Stay tuned for more Fai and Youou (Kurogane) in chapter 3! Also don't forget to go read the xxxHolic side of this!


	3. Dreams and Wine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As lead regalia and guard to the Goddess Tomoyo, Youou is put to the test when she is threatened - both within dreams and out of them. 
> 
> Meanwhile, Fai runs from his past, and buys his way into Yuuko's favor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long break! Just a reminder - Arisprite is posting, and the majority of this chapter was written by her. kate-7h is also writing for the Tsubasa side of the story, and mainly writes Syaoran and Sakura. username_goes_here is writing mostly for the xxxholic side of the story. Thanks for reading!

Tomoyo and her regalia slept or rested as they desired during the morning and evening. Nights were reserved for work. Youou wasn’t skilled in the dreamings, or meditation, but Souma and Kendappa knelt on either side of Tomoyo to lend power and a solid place to return to. Tomoyo was a dream walker, which meant at the moment, she was not in her body, but in the world of dreams. She wandered the plains of her followers’ dreams, using magic and luck to improve and ease and watch. She knew the dreams of her people, like she knew her own.

It was a nightly ritual, and Youou hated it. In dreams, she was somewhere Youou couldn’t protect her. He had little of his own magic. Some regalia had great control over their powers, and others, like him, didn’t have the patience to learn. He knew basic things, like borderlines, but otherwise he relied on his own strength. That would do him no good here.

Tomoyo knelt and Souma and Kendappa kept silent, and Youou stood guard, folding his arms. Hours passed that way.

Then, suddenly Tomoyo gasped, chest bucking as she fell backwards from her steady kneel. Souma and Kendappa, startled greatly, like they were jolted out of a deep sleep. Youou ran forward, and supported Tomoyo’s body, as she sucked in air.

“What the hell happened?” he demanded. The other regalia were trying to catch their breath, and couldn’t answer. Tomoyo looked pale, and weak, but unharmed he thought. She put a shaky hand to her head.

“It’s alright, Youou-”

“Like hell!”

“-I’m sure it was an accident,” she finished, regaining control and sitting up a little. Youou was snarling, wishing for a straightforward threat that he could kill for hurting Tomoyo. “Youou, please calm down, I can feel your anger.”

Tomoyo put a hand on his arm, and he sucked in a reluctant breath. She already looked steadier.

Souma and Kendappa were alright as well, breathing slower now, and looking at each other.

“What happened?” Youou said again, and Tomoyo answered this time.

“There was evil in someone’s dreams. It noticed me, and attacked.”

“Evil?” Youou asked, and Souma shuddered.

“It felt dark…” she murmured.

“What the hell was it doing here?” Youou asked, and Tomoyo shook her head.

“I don’t know.” She rose, already her old self. “Come, you three. We’re done for the night.”

_____________

The shop door jangled when he walked in, a new addition since that last time he’d been there….ooh, decades ago. Aside from that, everything seemed exactly the same, down to the dust floating on the hundreds of bottles on display. 

Fai walked further in, looking around for his old friend. Just as he was about to call out, a blonde head popped out from around the corner of a shelf. 

“Oh! Sorry! Didn’t hear the bell-” she came around a rack of wines, and then her face brightened. “Fai!”

“Chii!” Fai exclaimed, in time for her to run forward for a hug. “It’s good to see you!” 

Chii, the goddess of wine, smiled brightly up at him. “You too! It’s been so long!” Then she stepped back and looked around. “Oh, but where’s Ashura-san?”

Fai smiled to hide a wince, laughing lightly. Behind his eyes, blood spread in his memories, but he pushed it back. 

“Ah ha, he’s … away right now.” He should have known not to go to someone who’d known him before, but he’d needed wine and he’d wanted comfort to be quite honest. And Chii was sweet. 

“Did you have a falling out?” Chii asked, sorrow on her face. 

Fai laughed again. “Heh, something like that,” he said, twisting his fingers together. 

Chii bit her lip, looking worried. “I hope you make up soon. It’s sad when a god and regalia fight. Whenever Hideki and I have a disagreement, I feel a pain just here.” She put a hand to her heart, and Fai stroked down her hair, an old old habit. She was a younger god than him, and he’d actually met her when she was still small. She smiled a little at him, and he hoped she could see his silent apology. There was no way that he could make up with Ashura, not now. He didn’t want to think about seeing him again. 

“Where is Hideki?” Hideki was her regalia, as worldly as she was innocent, brash, awkward and loud, where she was delicate and soft spoken. 

Chii forgot about the sad topic, and smiled. “He’s out on a delivery,” she said, “But you came to see me, right? Did you bring me a present?” 

Fai laughed, and pulled out a string of pearls (that he’d lifted off a very very rich woman on the train, which was perhaps not the most upright thing to do, but Chii deserved them more). Her face lit up, and she put them on right away. 

“They’re lovely!” Chii twirled a little, her flowy white dress swirling around her and matching the shiny pearls. Fai laughed, and put his hand above her, so she could spin around his finger. She laughed freely. “Now, I’ll give something to you!” 

“Chii, Chii, my dear, you don’t have to give me anything,” Fai protested. It was a lie, he’d come for something after all, and he didn’t have any more to give as payment. She giggled, and skipped away, to bend down behind the desk. She pulled out a ledger, almost as thick as the length of her forearm. After all, she’d been in this business for a long time. 

“Of course, you’re here for wine. I could tell when you came in,” she said, opening the book and leafing through pages. “You haven’t been here for a bottle in years, Fai,” she scolded. 

Fai laughed lightly, and came up to lean an elbow on the counter. “Yes, sorry about that, dear. I’ve been in the north.” 

Chii sniffed. “It’s cold up there. Why do you always want to stay up there?” 

Fai picked at a dip in the wood grain, his voice falling soft. “It’s where Ashura always wanted to go…” 

She hummed, giving him a worried look, before coming to the last page in the ledger. “Ah ha! Now, what do you need, big brother Fai?” 

Fai hummed, tapping his fingernails on the table. “I have a wish for Yuuko-san,” he said. Chii’s eyes widened. 

“Yuuko-sama?” she said, “You didn’t give me enough for that, Fai.”

“I know,” Fai said, pleading filling his voice. “Please, I’ll pay you back, I promise!” 

Chii bit her lip, and then sighed. “Alright, big brother. But only because I love you.”

“Thank you, Chii!” Fai crowed, leaning across the counter to press a kiss to her forehead. 

Chii giggled, and went adorably red cheeked, before marking down a few notes in her ledger book. 

“So, that’ll be what? Forty bottles of wine and various liquors?” 

“That should be enough,” Fai said. Hoped. “She likes the highest quality. I’m sorry I can’t pay you right now.”

“We’ll be fine,” Chii said, writing down the list. “I’ll give this to Hideki when he gets back. Will you be alright with the cases?” 

Fai nodded. He’d long ago enchanted the insides of his coat, and the pockets would fit most anything. 

Chii nodded. “I’ll have that ready for you, as soon as Hideki gets back.”

“Thank you again, Chii,” Fai said, smiling gently. She sweetly poked his shoulder. 

“And you find someone to travel with, if not Ashura-san. I don’t like you being alone.”

Fai smiled, and didn’t answer.

______________

Youou didn’t sleep well after that, a dream of his own annoying him. His own laughter, manic and evil sounding echoed, blood was on the temple floor, and four figures stood in the distance. He’d never had foretelling dreams, but he woke sure that something was going to happen.

A moment later, he heard the hiss of the sliding doors of the temple, and steps that were not any who lived here.

Youou rose, his sword in his hand, and drawn silently, to see a shape moving along behind the light screens. Up in Heaven, it could be a god, a regalia or a spirit, but whoever it was, he was sneaking. And there was no good reason to be sneaking through someone else’s home at night.

Youou waited until he was passed, and then followed unnoticed. As a regalia he generally was soundless anyway, but now he took extra care.

The intruder was man-shaped, and knew where he was going, taking each turn needed to enter Tomoyo’s chambers. His blood singing with rising anger, Youou stepped forward. This man was heading towards Tomoyo, and there was nothing savory about his intentions. Youou could see no weapon, no reason for him to be here, but he still didn’t let him take the final turn.

Leaping forward, Youou swung his sword, and the creature, a masked spirit, looked like, turned and blocked him with a slice of energy. A line! So this was a regalia, someone’s spirit attendant, just like he was. He didn’t recognize the movements, so it was no one he knew. Not that it would have mattered. He was endangering Tomoyo, and that would not stand. 

Youou leapt into the air, calling out his own magic. 

“Line!” he yelled, swinging his sword, and making his line sharper than the blade. The blade sliced, and the power flashed down the hallway, cutting down the man. He fell in a tangle of bloody robes. 

Youou let the body fall, and laughed. This regalia had thought he could get close to Tomoyo, while she was under his protection. An intruder in the night, that he could protect her from, and that he did well.

The man was wrong in his assumption, and his limp limbs told the tale. Youou wiped the blood off his blade, still grinning.

The hall lit up, and Souma and Kendappa came running from the direction of their bedroom. They stood for a moment, taking in the scene, and then Souma clapped.

“Just like the practice dummy,” she said sardonically.

Kendappa looked cold. “You shouldn’t have killed him, Youou. Now we’ll never know who sent him.”

“They were trying to kill Tomoyo-hime, would you rather I let them?” He wiped off his sword with the edge of his sleeping robe.

Kendappa sniffed. She’d always disapproved of him.

Behind them, a figure emerged from the door of her bedroom dressed in sleeping robes and with her hair loose and curling down her back.

“Tomoyo-sama,” “Tomoyo-san,” the women murmured in greeting. Youou nodded his head, but didn’t say anything.

Tomoyo was a god, and had the presence of one. She returned her regalia’s greetings, and then dismissed Souma and Kendappa with a wave her hand, and a smile.

“Please, wait for me in the main room,” she said, in her soft yet unshakable voice.

They bowed, and moved off. Tomoyo then turned to Youou.

“It’s been half a century at least since the last assassin. I worried that the peace was wearing on you.”

Her voice was soft, and solemn. She moved gracefully and knelt beside the fallen man, and Youou met her gaze.

“This is an indication of a larger issue, and we are blind as we were. You should have stayed your hand, Youou.”

Youou shook his head. “He was attacking you; he’d come to kill you. I fulfilled my duties, Tomoyo-hime,” he protested. Tomoyo was a god; it was his responsibility to keep her safe, fight with and for her, and to be her moral and earthly compass. This had been the right thing to do. 

“Heaven has a justice system. You bypassed the rules and killed someone who may not have been seeking violence,” Tomoyo said, and Youou clenched his fists.

“He intruded into the temple. He was aiming to be a god killer!” he growled. “If what I did was wrong, then you’d be blighted, and you know that. I did the just thing.”

She’d sighed, and stood.

“The others will get this cleaned up. Please go outside, Youou.”

Tomoyo and he didn’t disagree all that often, and he’d never blighted her before, but she still managed to make him feel like a child sometimes. He enjoyed the outside, but now it felt like a time out.

He jogged outside in the early morning dimness, and drew his sword, beginning his routine with an urgency that was not usual. He grinned slightly as the practice dummies - straw stuffed and flimsy, yet still satisfying - fell to the ground in two or three pieces. The staffs that had held them up clattered downwards as well, landing with muffled thumps on the packed earth. Youou let them fall, enjoying the motions, and the feel of his muscles working. He was strong, he was fast, and he was proud of it.

It didn’t matter what Tomoyo had said.

That anger flooded upwards again, and he slashed too hard, and sent both the last standing dummy and his own blade into the dirt. Oops.

Growling to himself, Youou jerked the sword out of the ground, and lifted the edge of his practice robe to wipe off the grime. Poor Souhi didn’t deserve such treatment.

Sighing, he sheathed the sword, and bent his head, pulling in a few calming breaths. They’d never worked that well on him, so he gave up. Cardio would do just as well to put his mind off that annoyance - that she’d reprimand him, her own regalia! She might as well have put a sign on his head that said useless. Just because he’d killed a would be murderer.

He strapped on his sword tighter, and took off running, heading out into the lands around Tomoyo’s temple. Their heavenly home rested at the base of the mountain range, and the countryside spread around them; wide open spaces that he could run. 

Youou let his mind be filled with the pounding of his feet on the dirt, and the breath in and out of his lungs. This was his meditation, and he never felt more connected to heaven or earth than when he was moving.

He slowed down after half an hour of sprinting, losing control over his breath and falling into panting. He jogged to a stop, and looked around. Youou had come to the edge of the temple’s lands - beautiful fields that were cultivated with grains and vegetables. Further on, the mountains grew wilder, with spirits and creatures living in the wilderness before him. There were towns in the valleys, where other gods dwelled. Heaven was a vast, busy and yet peaceful place. 

Youou hitched his sword belt higher, and moved forward, away from those cared for grounds, and into the mountains. The place was beautiful, he had to admit, but sometimes he liked the wild cliffs, and the jagged edges of the holmes and hills. Brambles tugged at his legs, scratching skin, and he stopped to wish he’d changed into his more usual clothes of boots and a leather jacket, rather than leaving his sleeping on his robes and sandals. But, no matter. These woods knew him, and he knew the trees as well as the ground. He leapt up, and continued on through the upper branches, jumping from limb to limb.

Out here, there was a clearing he knew well. A clear pool sat in the center of thick trees, dappled with sunlight, and Youou felt that that place would finally clear his mind. Sweat clung to his lower back and hairline from the exercise, and he just felt annoyed and dirty. He could use a swim right now.

~

Youou returned to Tomoyo’s temple with damp hair and a calmer spirit, but he still bristled when he saw Souma and Kendappa on guard outside the temple, staring him down as he approached. 

“What?” 

“Way to disappear,” Souma sniped, and Youou growled at her. 

“Has anything else happened?” he asked. He’d been attuned to Tomoyo’s spirit, even from the distance, and knew that she’d been calm, but he still felt a little bad for running off. 

Kendappa looked at him solemnly. “The regalia you killed. He was a nora.” 

Youou lifted his eyebrows. “A nora?” He’d never met a nora. A regalia with more than one name was an outcast, a dirty thing. “Who would use a nora…” Actually, if he were a god wanting to assassinate someone, a nora would be just the thing to use.

Souma nodded. “Who indeed. But, since you killed our only link to the god responsible, we know nothing.” 

Youou growled, and leaned forward. “I was _protecting_ Tomoyo-hime, it’s what I’m supposed to do!” 

Kendappa looked at him, with all the gravity of the god she was the lead for. “You were overtaken by your emotions, Youou. You’ve always struggled with calming your anger, your ferocity.” 

“I’ve never blighted Tomoyo-hime,” he said, but was cut off. 

“You hurt her even still, when your actions make it impossible for us to protect her.” 

“Tch!” Youou hissed through his teeth, turning away. “I’m going to my room.”

Kendappa sighed. “Sometimes, I forget how young you are.” 

Two centuries wasn’t that young, but Kendappa had been around as long as Tomoyo, nearly a thousand years. Still, it was rude to say, and Youou stormed off, heat in his chest. 

 

Youou and the others picked up their security around the temple, and Kendappa (skilled in magic as she was) made boundary lines and spells to protect the temple, even if no regalia was standing there. It was like the old days, and they fell back into their roles easily. Youou was thrilled with it, his blood singing for days in the potential for danger. 

Then, Tomoyo came to him, after a dream session (which, frustratingly, Tomoyo continued with). 

“Youou, I have a request for you.” 

Youou bowed, as he wouldn’t say no to whatever his goddess required. Tomoyo smiled. 

“Yuuko is having a party tonight, and I’d like you come with me.” 

Youou stared at her. 

“Hell, no!” 

 

_______________

 

Finally, fully stocked and with his pockets noticeably heavier, Fai took Chii’s shortcut through heaven to Yuuko’s place. When he arrived, standing in that old gazebo, he was hit with a wave of good smelling food and the noise of a lot of people. 

Uh... 

It looked like he’d picked the exact right time to crash some sort of party. The air was warm, and humid and many many gods and regalia were milling around with plates of food and the laughter of friends. Some turned to look at Fai as he arrived, out of place with his layers of jackets and looking startled. So, Fai shook himself and plastered a large smile over his face. If he had to get through a party to talk to Yuuko, he could party with the best of them. 

Yuuko chose that moment to come up to him. 

“Ah, Fai, you made it!” she said, smirking at him. “You brought the alcohol, didn’t you?” 

Fai laughed a little, glaring at her as he did so. Her stupid foretelling, what a random thing to see. 

“Of course I did,” he said, smiling through his teeth. “Though you’re lucky I thought to bring that, instead of something else.” 

“Oh, Fai, of course you’d bring alcohol, you know how I depend on your selection. You’ve been away for far too long!” She brought his head forward to smack her lips on his cheeks. He smiled, wide. 

“So sorry, Yuuko-san,” he simpered. “I’ve had business to take care of. But you’re having a party? Whatever for?”

“Mm, oh, nothing much. It was summer, and my new regalia is a wonderful cook.” She said, gesturing at the food tables. They did look fabulous, and already much picked over, with what looked like fresh dishes in between the old ones, like they’d already had to be replenished. 

Fai raised his eyebrows. “You have a new regalia? Why, Yuuko-san, I thought I’d never see the day!” 

“Yes, well,” Yuuko hummed, her face closing off. “Please, there’s a table over there for the alcohol. If you want to bring them into the kitchen, and we can start with the room temperature ones while the others ice.”

Fai nodded, and saluted in a silly gesture as he turned around, and headed to the kitchen.


	4. A Boisterous Affair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuko throws a wonderful party, and her new regalia is nice and friendly, but Syaoran still finds too many thoughts plaguing him in the noise of the affair. Also, Youou meets an annoying god named Fai.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter, and the corresponding one in Upon My End, I Begin, the xxxHolic side, have a few instances where the same conversation is had from two (Watanuki and Syaoran's) POV. There are enough differences, that I'm pretty sure the repeats can still be read with full enjoyment. Finally everyone meets!

The party was being thrown by another god, and oddly it was at her temple on earth. Yuuko-sama was a name that pinged something in his non-existent memories, but Syaoran just guessed that that meant she was a very big name. 

Not all of Sakura’s regalia had decided to come, and he probably would’ve decided to stay, but Sakura had been so excited when she spoke about it. He figured if she was excited, it probably would be a fun thing to do. He wouldn’t have guessed the god of fate would throw parties.   
He looked up and around. They were standing inside a gazebo looking out over a large garden, then beyond that were tall buildings of a city whose glass windows reflected the afternoon sun. The rest of the regalia dispersed, making their ways to other people gathered on the lawn.

Syaoran turned to Sakura, but she was already bouncing away towards a small woman with long, dark hair. 

Unsure of where to go, he wondered around the garden, observing the many gods and regalia he didn’t know. They laughed and conversed casually, and Syaoran started to feel a little more at ease from the distance he’d picked.

Turning a corner, he ran into a taller man with dark hair and a passive face. The man was obviously a god. His eyebrow arched at him as he backed up a step.

“I’m sorry,” He got out. 

“You’re new. Whose are you?” he asked.

Syaoran blinked, “Uh.. Syaoran, Sakura’s new regalia.”

The god nodded, and smiled a little. “So the little kaiju picks up another lost pet.”

Syaoran bristled at the insult towards Sakura, but before he could speak, another voice interjected. 

“Touya-sama,” a soft voice reprimanded. Syaoran looked to see a man with silver hair and glasses. His face was pale as he shook his head a little at the god, Touya.

Touya shrugged and grinned deviously down at Syaoran. “Apologies. Sakura is like my sister.”

The silver haired man smiled at the god and then Syaoran. “I’m Yukito, and this is Touya-sama.”

Touya gave Yukito a displeased look. "Yukito, I've told you so many times, you can just use my name. We're at a party" he said, smiling at him. 

Yukito smiled too. "Sorry, Touya."

"After all, you're a god too, Yuki."

Syaoran bowed, “It’s a pleasure to meet you both.”

“So how long have you been with Sakura-chan?” Yukito asked. Syaoran blinked at him. Sakura must be close with them if this god was comfortable calling her chan, and for the first god to call her kaiju. 

“Uh- a little over a week.”

“Were you with another god before that?” Yukito asked, his face kind.

Syaoran shook his head, feeling flustered, “No, I- she found me out in the desert and I can’t remember anything…. before that…”

Yukito nodded, “Well, you all have to start there and one point or another. Sakura-chan is a sweet god. All her regalia are so happy.”

“This one doesn’t seem to be,” Touya said, and Syaoran couldn’t tell if he was trying to joke with him, or was being completely serious. 

Syaoran shook his head though. “I’m happy... I’m very glad to be with Sakura-sama.”

Yukito smiled again with a soft laugh. "I'm sure she's glad too."

“I still don’t see why she needs to take on so many, though,” Touya muttered, and Syaoran frowned, up until Yukito elbowed Touya in the side, and then took his arm. 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Syaoran-kun,” he said, beaming at Syaoran. Syaoran stared at the god for a moment with his face so luminously kind and beautiful, and he couldn’t hold back a bit of a blush. He stuttered a thank you, before Yukito dragged on Touya’s arm. “C’mon To-ya, there’s new food over there!” 

“But you’ve already tried _everything_ …” Touya protested, but he was dragged away. 

Syaoran walked on, taking in his surroundings as he vaguely followed Touya and Yukito to the tables at the edge of the lawn. The food looked incredibly intricate and very delicious. He almost didn’t want to touch it and ruin the display. So he picked up a plastic cup of water, drinking a few sips, admiring the work that had obviously gone into it.

Just then from behind him, but coming rapidly closer, was a loud shouting voice. Syaoran turned to see a boy, carrying a massive tray, with dark hair and glasses, and a peeved expression. 

“Yuuko-san! Yuuko-san! You said there would be dishes out for these!” These, being an assortment of sweets on his round tray. “I can’t do everything around here! Oh, who am I kidding, I’m just Yuuko-san’s personal slave…” His loud voice trailed off into grumbling. “Dammit, I spend the whole morning cooking and cleaning, and she can’t even make sure I have everything, I mean she-” 

Suddenly, the boy seemed to realize that Syaoran was watching him, (and probably obviously trying not to smile) and flushed, before straightening up to a calmness he wouldn’t have expected. 

“Sorry about that! I wasn’t trying to be rude, it’s just…” 

“It’s okay,” Syaoran said, waving his hand. He smiled, and gestured to the spread, understanding now why the table looked so delectable. “You made all this?” 

“Yeah, well give me a /full/ day or two, and I can do much better,” he said, frowning at the table as it were mediocre. 

“You’re very talented.” 

The boy shrugged off the compliment, flushing a little. “It’s more of a hobby than anything else.” 

“How did you learn to cook so well?” Syaoran asked. The boy frowned, like it was something that bothered him. 

“It must have been something I liked before.” 

“Oh,” Syaoran pulled back, aware suddenly of all he couldn’t recall from /before/. He turned the plastic cup in his hands. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring that up.” 

The regalia, for that’s what he was, brightened. “Oh, no, no, it’s fine! Honestly, isn’t it better than having to relearn every skill? We’re all in the same boat, aren’t we?” 

“Right,” Syaoran said, smiling. Then he started, and bowed his head. “I’m Syaoran, by the way. Regalia to Sakura-sama.” 

“I’m Watanuki. One of Yuuko-san’s. Which you probably guessed. How’s Sakura-sama?” 

Syaoran resisted glancing over at her, but his blush probably gave away something. “She’s very kind. I’m lucky to have been found by her.” 

Watanuki shrugged, his eyes suddenly distant. “Or hitsuzen, I suppose.” 

Syaoran blinked at the word. It felt familiar, but he couldn’t quite remember the meaning. It seemed like a slightly archaic word. 

“Hitsuzen…” Syaoran said outloud, feeling word in his mouth. 

“It means inevitability. Or fate. Or, well, that’s what Yuuko-san is always saying,” Watanuki clarified. 

Thinking back to the day that Sakura had found him, Syaoran smiled. “It did seem like that. I woke up in the bottom of some sort of quarry, and when I climbed up, she helped me out. Some of the other regalia say they were on their own for a long time before Sakura-sama or their previous gods found them, so I’m glad I wasn’t alone for too long.” 

”I know I wouldn’t have lasted long on my own,” Watanuki said, looking troubled. “As much as I hate to admit it, I still wouldn’t now. I’ve been around for a few months, and I only /just/ started learning about borderlines, and everything.” 

Syaoran’s eyebrows raised. This regalia was new like him. “You’ve been with Yuuko-sama longer than I have. I only got found a few weeks ago.” 

Watanuki huffed, and put a hand on his hip. “Well then,” Watanuki said, looking amused. “Then I can tell Yuuko I’ve got some tenure.” 

“Yeah,” Syaoran chuckled. “Maybe you can help me with borderlines. I haven’t been able to get one to form at all-” 

“You’re kidding me!” Watanuki threw his hands into the air, startling Syaoran. “You know how long it took me to have anyone even tell me what one was? Months - _months!_

“R-really?” Syaoran questioned, beginning to realize that sudden explosions seemed to be part of Watanuki’s personality. “Isn’t that dangerous? Why weren’t you taught sooner?” 

“Yuuko-san…” Watanuki said, in a low almost-growl. “Yuuko-san can be...frustrating. She tends to ‘allow’ me to learn from experience.” 

“Sorry,” Syaoran flushed. “I shouldn’t have assumed that all gods did things the same way-” 

Watanuki suddenly looked horrified, and waved his arms around intensely. 

“Oh, no no, don’t worry!” Watanuki let out an awkward laugh, “Why don’t you tell me about Sakura-sama? What’s she like? She seems nice.” 

Syaoran blinked at the abrupt change, and nodded. “Y-yes, she’s very nice.” He thought of his goddess, and smiled a little. “She’s kind and caring towards everyone she meets, and she’s taken care of me, even though I’m new, and-” Then Syaoran broke off, realizing that Watanuki was grinning at him. 

“Ahhhh, I see...” Watanuki said, “Do you think she’s pretty then?” he finished, and Syaoran flushed. He shook his head rapidly, hair swinging with the movement. 

“Ah, No, it’s not- I didn’t, I mean, yes, of course… Uhh…” Unable to respond coherently, he gave a helpless sigh, and dropped his face, hiding what was surely tomato red. 

Watanuki was laughing. “Sorry, Syaoran, I didn’t mean to- ahhh! Hello Sakura-sama, I hope you’re enjoying your time here!” Watanuki’s voice abruptly went louder, and Syaoran jolted up to find Sakura had joined them, and was standing right beside him, smiling. 

“Thank you! Yes, I’m having a great time,” she said to Watanuki, tilting her head, and enabling flecks of sunlight to scatter gold across her ginger hair. “I don’t think I’ve met you though?” 

“I’m Watanuki, Yuuko-san’s newest regalia,” Watanuki said, nodding his head. Sakura clapped. 

“Of course! It’s your food I’ve been enjoying, isn’t it! You’ve got incredible skill.” 

Watanuki pinked. “Thank you.” 

Sakura smiled, and then turned to Syaoran. 

“I hope you’re also enjoying yourself, Syaoran!” 

Syaoran, still hot in the face, stammered. “Uh-, y-yes, Sakura-sama…” 

“Please, Syaoran, I told you to call me Sakura. I don’t like being so formal with my regalia,” Sakura said, a hint of a pout crossing her face. 

“Of course, Sakura-s-... Sakura.” 

Sakura smiled, before turning back to Watanuki. 

“So how are you settling in here? You’ve only been with Yuuko-san a few months, right?” 

Watanuki nodded, and rubbed the back of his head. “As well as I could, I suppose.” He laughed awkwardly. “Though it seems every time I think I’ve learned something, something else happens to prove it wrong, ah ha…” 

Sakura nodded kindly. “I suppose you could say that that’s the only true way to learn. Learning by error ensures that the right way to do things sticks with us.” 

Something about her words struck Syaoran, but he wasn’t given time to ponder it, as just then, another god came closer, almost skipping over to them, with blond hair flashing in the sun. 

“Ahh, Sakura-chan, here’s where you ran off to. Is this Syaoran-kun?” The god’s voice was light, and his eyes very blue, as he leaned down to peer at Syaoran’s face. Sakura was giggling. 

“Yup!” she said. “Syaoran, this is Fai-san, a god of mischief. He just traveled here, right?” 

Fai nodded, with a laugh. “From far to far away to talk about. Long trips can be so boring. But, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Syaoran-kun,” Fai said, holding his hand out towards Syaoran. He winked at Sakura as he did so. “He is cute!” 

“Uh-” Syaoran stammered, not sure what to do with the words, or the hand that was still sticking out towards him. 

Fai let his hand fall with a laugh. “No handshakes, I forget. It’s all the rage in the west.” 

“Ah,” Syaoran returned, thrown by the words, the foreign concept, and then the curiosity as to which cultures would use shaking hands instead of bows? He’d have to look it up later. 

Fai turned on his heel, and smiled at Watanuki. “And this must be the talented, Watanuki-kun, yes?” 

Watanuki frowned. “Sure.” 

“Hm,” Fai tilted his head with interest, bending into Watanuki’s personal space. “Yuuko-san hadn’t told me about her new regalia. You know she hasn’t taken one on in centuries.” 

Watanuki bristled. “And why would Yuuko-san be immediately telling you about every little change in her life?” he shot back in a very annoyed tone. 

Fai laughed. “We’re old drinking friends, of course! I brought the alcohol for the party!” 

“Great,” Watanuki said, flatly. “I’m going to go replenish the onigiri.” He shook himself of the annoyance a little, and smiled at Sakura and Syaoran. “It was a pleasure to meet you both.” 

They nodded, while Fai waved good bye with a cheery smile. Sakura then grabbed his hand, and held in both of hers. 

“Speaking of Yuuko-san, you haven’t met her yet, have you? She’s wonderful, you’ll love her!” 

“Uh,” Syaoran said, and then blushed again and nodded. 

“C’mon then!” And she dragged him into the crowd. 

_________

The party was in full swing when Youou and Tomoyo arrived. She was dressed to the nines, and immediately went to find Sakura-san, leaving him standing beside the steps of the porch, watching the guests milling around, and wondering what he was doing there.

He usually wasn’t the one she brought to these types of things, but he was kind of in trouble he figured, since the assassin incident. She hadn’t mentioned much since, but he could feel her disapproval. Tomoyo had dragged him here, and as her regalia, he was duty bound to go where she wanted him to...still, he didn’t have to like it. 

More gods than he could count stood with plates of food, or drinks making _small talk_. Regalia chatted, some he’d met, some he hadn’t, and the weather was perfect for a party. Hn.

“My, Youou, you don’t look like you’re having fun!” Ah, the devilish host of this hell of a party. Yuuko sauntered over and leaned on the post of the porch, drink in hand. 

“Not really a party guy.” Youou grumbled, wishing for a drink of his own. 

“There are a lot of interesting people here. Who knows, you could meet someone…” Yuuko teased. Youou snorted. 

“Not interested.” 

“If you like.” Yuuko sipped her drink, and shouldered herself upright, patting him on the shoulder. “But, do try to have a good time. I know you’re here as a punishment, but the drinks at least, are very good.” 

Youou fully intended on getting a drink or four, but that entailed walking out into the crowd of half strangers and people socializing, and he wasn’t sure he was quite ready for that. The food looked intriguing though, and the table was closer. 

As he stepped up to it, he moved out of the way of a figure carrying a heavy looking tray. 

“Oh, Youou-san! You’re here for the party?” It was that kid, the one that he'd taught borderlines Watanuki. He was dressed in an apron and headscarf, and looked frazzled. 

“Hn.” Youou said, “Not by choice.” 

Watanuki laughed and placed the tray he was carrying down, and started serving out the dishes. There was a surprising amount. 

“Well, join the club. You know, she didn’t tell me about this party until last night.” 

Youou raised his eyebrows. “You got all this ready in one night?” he asked, eyeing the table full of appetizers and snacks of all sorts. “I’m impressed.” 

Watanuki blushed. “Oh, no, no, it was nothing,” he insisted. “I’m glad I could see you again though! I needed to thank you for what you taught me.”

Youou shrugged one shoulder. “It’s something every regalia needs to learn. It was dangerous to have you untrained.” This was something that Youou believed; that all regalia should learn how to use their powers. Those gods who didn’t teach their new add ons, who just let them flail through their afterlife like Yuuko did, just made Youou pissed off. 

“That’s what I was saying! Gods, Yuuko-san would’ve let me get killed learning it on my own!” Watanuki glared over at the porch, where Yuuko had taken her seat after her teasing. She didn’t notice. 

“Or someone else killed.” Youou finished, picking up a plate. Watanuki paused at that, looking startled, like the thought hadn’t occurred to him. 

“It was lucky you came here then.” 

“Hn.” Youou put one of the pickled plums in his mouth, savoring the sour-salty taste. This kid had made all of this?

Just then, Watanuki lurched forward, as a tall man slung an arm around his shoulders, grinning widely. 

“Hello Watanuki-kun!~” 

He was blond, and foreign looking, with skinny limbs, and a dumb face. “And I haven’t met you, Mr. Black!” He simpered, smiling at Youou widely. What the hell is this guy? He’s a god, but he’d obviously already been in the wine a bit too much, and he had his arms looped around Watanuki like he’d known him forever. The kid didn’t feel the same, apparently. Also, Mr. Black?

“His name isn’t Mr. Black,” he told the guy. 

The blond guy pulled away from Watanuki, putting his hands on his hips and peering at Youou. Youou squinted back at him. 

“Oh! It must be something strong and manly like that though, hmmm. C’mon, Black-sama, give me a hi~int!”   
Seriously? What the hell?

“It’s Youou. And I’m not a god; don’t call me sama.” 

The blond twisted his mouth around the name. “Youou?” he tried, and then he tossed his head. “Youou-tan, then. You’re Tomoyo-sama’s regalia, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, and who are you? And what the hell did you do to my name?!” 

The guy ignored his protest, waving his hands. 

“Oh, I’m just a minor god, not important at all.” 

Watanuki looked completely done with the whole situation. “Fai-san. His name is Fai-san, apparently, and he’s some sort of god of mischief, and name-butchering; drinks are running low.” 

He walked off then, leaving Youou alone with this Fai character. Youou sent him a glare for good measure. Fai was smiling brightly at him, but something rubbed him the absolute wrong way. There was something about him, he was tense, like anxiety was thrumming through him, yet his face was smiling and relaxed. The conflicting messages were giving Youou a headache. 

“You know, if you keep your face like that, it will get stuck that way, Youou-rin~” 

Youou’s glare deepened. 

“Oh, that one’s even worse. I think your case is a bit hopeless.” 

“Oi-!” 

“You’ll really need to work on that! Your face would scare the children Youou-chan!” 

“Why you- who the hell do you think you are?” 

“Now, now, let’s not get upset. Have you tried the drinks? They _are_ getting a little low, and I’d love to get another taste of the chardonnay before it runs out.” 

“I’m not drinking with you!”

“Oh, come now, it’s polite to accept invitations when they’re given, Youou-pi,” he said, grinning wider and fluttering his eyelashes. He actually fluttered his eyelashes! Youou groaned and rubbed his temples. 

“I definitely could use alcohol.” he grumbled, and Fai brightened. 

“Wonderful! Come take your pick, and I’ll tell you the story of how I acquired it!” 

Youou, against his better judgement, allowed Fai to lead him away to the drinks table. 

___________

 

Yuuko was sitting in a lounge chair on the porch. Her kimono was tied loosely around her waist, it's silk draped off and down to the ground, leaving the majority of her legs bare. Her dark hair flowed almost as long as her robes. The presence around her was strong, almost overwhelming. And it was definitely godly. Sakura had that presence as well, but hers was much lighter feeling, younger? Yuuko’s was very different. It wasn’t even just old, it was deep, ancient. Unsettling. As they approached, she looked up at them with lids heavy over her red eyes. 

“Hello, Yuuko-san,” Sakura chirped, still holding onto Syaoran’s hand. 

Yuuko had a touch of a smile on her face, “Hello, Sakura-chan.”

Her eyes turned to Syaoran as she took a sip from her drink, “Ah, so you’re the new regalia our dear Sakura-chan found?”

Syaoran consciously took a breath, feeling the heaviness of the air around the god. Almost reflexively, he bent at his waist in a low bow, “Yes.”

After a moment, Yuuko flicked her hand at him, gesturing up, “Straighten up. As a regalia, you should not bow to other gods, and certainly not in front of your own.”

Flushing, Syaoran stood up, turning a frown to Sakura, “I’m sorry.”

She waved him off, “You didn’t know, it’s alright.”

Syaoran turned back to Yuuko, “I’m Syaoran, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Yuuko-san.”

She looked up at him, “And you, Syaoran-kun.” Yuuko briefly turned a serious frown to Sakura, then back to him. 

“Well,” She said straightening up, her face brightened with a mischievous grin. “Welcome, Syaoran-kun! I hope my temple -and this party- is to your liking.”

“Y-yes, Yuuko-san,” He spluttered out, baffled at the sudden change in her demeanor. “Watanuki did a very good job with the food.” He said, trying to think of a proper response.

Sakura clasped her hands in excitement, “Yes, it was delicious!”

“Ah yes, Watanuki is an _excellent_ chef. I don’t know what I’d do without him here! So domestic. Look at him over there!” The both turned to the tables to see Watanuki bringing out more platters of food, a heavy frown on his face. And suddenly, Syaoran understood why Watanuki had such a sullen attitude towards his god. 

“Oh!” Sakura exclaimed from beside him. “I forgot something. Just a moment!” And then she ran off, leaving Syaoran alone with Yuuko.

Yuuko watched Sakura skip away, “You’re adjusting to life with Sakura-chan?”

“Yes,” He replied. “There’s not much to adjust from, but I’m very glad it turned out the way it did.”

Yuuko took a slow drink from her glass, “Hitsuzen. Sometimes it does work in our favor, doesn’t it?”

Syaoran nodded, glad he was now familiar with the word and concept to have this conversation with Yuuko, “Watanuki told me a little bit about that. That’s what you’re the god of, right?”

Yuuko nodded in reply, “Sounds like Watanuki has been paying more attention than he insists. But yes, I am the god of inevitability. Fate," she confirmed. "And balance, should the mood strike.”

He tried to imagine that kind of power. To be the head of anyone and everyone's destiny and fate. Having to maintain balance in the universe. It was an astronomical amount of responsibility. He looked at her, finding a great respect for her. No wonder she drank so much.

“That would mean there’s no such thing as a coincidence?” He asked, clarifying.

"No. There is only hitsuzen. Some take that as a curse, and others, a blessing." She sat back and looked Syaoran over. "But truly, it's neither. It's simply the law of the universe."

It really did make sense. No one person could have sway over such an ultimate truth. Whether they considered it good or evil didn’t matter, the law stood either way. It made sense, but Syaoran could feel something missing from the concept. This was fact based, unbiased, immovable. There was no room for human error. But gods dealt with this, not humans. 

Except for regalias. The ones who were once human, or still were? Did it make a difference, since none of them had any memory of being human?

"Then that suggests that there's a reason for everything," Syaoran continued, puzzling through his thoughts. He looked to her again, "Do you know the reason why regalia can't remember their past lives?"

Yuuko touched a long finger to her lips, considering for a moment, “Perhaps so they can start over.”

Syaoran’s chin jerked in, his brow creased. Why start over? Sakura had just been talking about how the best way to learn was from mistakes. Past experiences. Why would the universe force them to completely restart, leaving this gaping hole in his mind? He’d rather remember a bad life than no life at all. What knowledge had been taken from him in death? What was he missing? What was stolen from him? Why leave him empty?

Syaoran frowned heavily, not knowing how to put his thoughts into words. 

With a sigh, Yuuko looked around at the bustling party, “All the regalia you see here, Syaoran-kun, have gone through the same experience as you.” Then leveling a solemn gaze on him, she continued, “Don't concern yourself with the why, Syaoran-kun, that will come in time. It's 'what next' that you need to concern yourself with."

He looked to the people around the garden, full of smiles and pleasantries. They looked happy. He couldn't even tell that these people had the same concerns as he had. It was easy to forget that his problems weren't just his own. He felt selfishly petty, but his questions still scratched at his mind, demanding the answers that no one seemed willing to tell him. 

Turning back to Yuuko, he bowed his head in gratitude, "Thank you, Yuuko-san."

She inclined her head in return. 

Just then, Sakura arrived again, smiling wide, “Hello again!” In her hands was a gift. The bottle-shaped present was wrapped in elegant silk, twisted cords and ribbons wound about it intricately. 

She held it out to Yuuko, “Thank you for having us!”

Yuuko perked up, clapping her hands together before accepting the gift, “Oh my! Is that what I think it is?”

Sakura nodded, “Yup, it’s Daiginjo sake. I told Kero-chan to buy only the best for my friend.”

Hugging it in her arms, Yuuko sighed happily, “Oh Sakura-chan, you’re too kind! Tell Kero-chan his taste in sake is impeccable, as usual.”

“Of course!” Sakura replied. “I’m going to show Syaoran around to meet some more people. It was nice to see you, Yuuko-san!”

Yuuko waved her hand, “It’s always a pleasure, Sakura-chan. Syaoran-kun.”

She sent him a knowing look before turning back to her drink, then suddenly Syaoran was pulled away by two sets of arms holding on to his sleeve. 

“Do you wanna play with us?” Two unison voices asked out of the blue.

“Eh-?” Syaoran got out before the two girls gripped his arms, and Sakura laughing as he was dragged away towards the house. 

_I thought I saw them run in here_ , Syaoran thought to himself as he looked inside another cupboard under the island counter. He felt bad that he was going through someone else’s space, but Maru and Moro had brought him inside and told him to find them. He told himself that was permission, and it made him feel a little bit better about it.  
 _I hope nobody comes in._

But of course, once he’d thought it, shuffling footsteps turned into the kitchen, “Uhm, hello?”

Startled, Syaoran jumped, banging his head on the lip of the counter, then stood straight up. He rubbed at the bump on his head, half out of awkwardness and half out of pain, but was immensely relieved when he saw that it was Watanuki, 

“Um- uh, hi?”

Watanuki looked at him strangely, “Why are you going through the cupboards?”

“I’m not- uh. Sorry, um, Watanuki… I was playing hide-and-seek with those girls and I don’t know where…” He trailed off as he spied the pink and blue heads of Maru and Moro, peaking around the doorframe and giggling. 

Watanuki laughed too, “They dragged you into their games, huh?” Then he swung around at their laughter, “Maru, Moro, quit harassing guests and grab some bottles.”

The girls scrambled to the counter, picked up armfuls of bottles, then made their way towards the door. Watanuki picked up a few as well with a gesture for Syaoran to follow him out, “These people drink about half as much as Yuuko, which is four times as much as anyone should. Does Sakura-sama drink this much?”

Syaoran shook his head. “No, not all that much. Some, I suppose. But.. I haven’t been there long.” He then pointed to the other bottles on the counter. “Do you want some help with those?”

“Wha? Oh, yeah, do you mind? You know, I’ve made seven trips back and forth from the kitchen to the food tables? Haven’t   
even had any of the food I made! But that’s Yuuko-san for you - she insists she’s hosting, but honestly, all she did was send the invitations,” Watanuki rambled, his voice annoyed.

“Oh,” Syaoran said, gathering the rest of the bottles in his arms. “I’m not really doing anything, so I can help you with anything.”

Turning to Syaoran briefly Watanuki smiled gratefully, “Thanks.”

They walked quietly for a bit when Watanuki spoke up again. Syaoran got the feeling he didn’t like silence, “So I saw you talking to Yuuko-san earlier.”

“Yes, uh, yeah,” Syaoran replied, following Watanuki through the halls. “She was… very interesting.”

It was very much an understatement. Syaoran was still reeling a bit from his conversation with her. But not just that. She had that ancient heaviness to her that surrounded her like strong perfume. It was present in the temple when she wasn’t even there, clinging to the walls and hanging in the air. 

Yuuko going from that to giggling about presents nearly gave him whiplash.

Watanuki gave a sort of snort, “That’s Yuuko-san.”

Syaoran got quiet again, thinking back to that conversation, her cryptic words and half answers. She'd told him not to worry about his past, but he couldn't help it. It was a constant, nagging itch at the back of his brain surrounded by a million questions he really couldn’t get a single answer to. Yuuko was a god, did she really understand what this was like?

“Um, I’m sorry to bring this up again… uh…”

Watanuki turned to face Syaoran again, slowing his pace, “It’s alright - don’t apologize. You can talk about whatever, I don’t mind.”

He stopped, his brow furrowed. Syaoran didn't want to burden Watanuki - he literally just met him-, but he didn't have that many friends, and he felt like he trusted Watanuki to be as honest as he could. He seemed like genuine person.

"Um, Yuuko-san said that I- that regalia don't remember their pasts so they can start over..." He trailed off, unsure of what he was asking. "I just don't really understand."

Watanuki stopped as well, “My friend said that regalia are spirits that linger with unfinished business. I don’t understand it either. It just doesn’t make any sense… If a spirit has something it wants to do, why would the universe just… The whole point of staying is wasted - may as well have moved on anyways…Then again, that’s easier if you don’t remember, right?” 

He smiled, but it was obviously a fake one masking the same confusion and pain Syaoran felt.

He frowned, clutching the bottles tighter, "That makes sense, I suppose... But- but why does it have to happen? Why do we have to forget? If we have unfinished business, why can't we know what it is and how to resolve it?"

Syaoran forced out a breath, feeling slightly shaken at how upset he suddenly was. He realized that Watanuki probably didn’t have most of these answers (or any at all), but he was listening, and Syaoran was talking.

“I don’t know. I just wonder…” Watanuki stole a glance to his wrist, trailing off from his sentence. He paused for a moment more before adding almost just to himself, “We’re not human.”

Syaoran blinked, jerking his head to Watanuki. _Not human_? It felt like a blow to the chest, knocking the wind out of his lungs. If he wasn’t human, what was he? Some sort of in between _thing_ , between gods and humans. It felt wrong and it made him feel sick. He hugged the cool bottles to him, needing something to hang on to. 

Watanuki turned to Syaoran, his face softening with pity. And Syaoran couldn’t blame him, he probably did look pretty pitiful. 

“We were once, though,” Watanuki said, trying to comfort him, Syaoran supposed. “And hey, it’s not like we’re alone or anything, right? I guess I’m just… I’m really not the best person to ask - I haven’t really been here much longer than you… And there are reasons for everything.” 

Not finding any words to respond with, Syaoran just nodded, looking down. There are reasons for everything. _Then what the hell were they_? He let out a shuddering breath, confusion and grief and anger all swirling inside him.

He heard Watanuki placed his bottles on the decorative table in the hallway, one falling on the ground with a crash and splatter, but Watanuki ignored it. He came over and wrapped his arm around Syaoran and patted his shoulder. It was a surprise, but not entirely unwelcome. He couldn’t ever remember getting a hug. Though the conversation had been less than ideal, he was still glad to have made a friend.

“Thank you,” Syaoran said finally, mostly saying it for the hug. "For answering me clearly," He added as an afterthought.

After a moment, Watanuki pulled back again, “Sorry if I upset you, that wasn’t my intention or anything.”

Syaoran gave a little nod, which wasn’t much of a response. Watanuki gestured at the bottles he’d set down, “I need to take this sake out still, but if you want to talk again later or another time or something…Well, at any rate, it’s still nice to meet someone in the same situation, you know?”

At that, Syaoran looked up, attempting to smile, “It’s okay. You were just being honest, and I appreciate that.”

Syaoran forced in another breath, his face somber, “I would like to talk about it more, but… let me think about what you said.”

“I’d like to talk again sometime as well,” Watanuki said as he gathered the bottles again. “We’ll start a support group.”

Despite his unease about the whole thing, Syaoran laughed, “Yeah, why not?”

“I’ll bring snacks!” Watanuki said enthusiastically, laughing hesitantly. “Just tell me your favorite food and I’ll make it - I swear.”

Syaoran was grateful for the conversation switch. He chuckled once more and followed Watanuki towards the door to the outside, "I haven't tried all that much, but I really liked the meal we had the other night. I think it was called chicken kat.. ka… I'm not sure what Chiharu-san said it was called."

Watanuki slid the door open and blinked in the sunlight. “Hmm… ka… karaage? Kat...su? Katsudon? You know, I think there’s a chicken katsu curry too. I haven’t tried making a curry like that yet - well, that I know - so I could try doing that if you want…”

"You don't have to make me anything, I'm fine! Besides, you already made all this food out here," He smiled again. "You're too kind."

Watanuki shrugged. "I really do like to cook," he said. "And it makes me happy to see people enjoying my food." He paused. "Assuming I made it well. Sometimes I get-"

Watanuki cut himself off, frowning at the table they were headed towards, “Hey Syaoran, you see that tall, scary guy by the alcohol?”

Syaoran looked over at the very tall man standing with Fai next to the drinks table. He was scowling as he brought a drink to his mouth.

"Yes," Syaoran replied, assuming Watanuki wasn't referring to Fai as the 'scary guy.'

“That’s Youou-san,” He told Syaoran. “A few weeks ago, he visited the temple with his god, Tomoyo-sama, and he taught me a bunch of stuff about regalia and all that. Maybe you should talk to him?”

Syaoran glanced at Watanuki, then took in Youou across the way from them. The man looked disinterested, and slightly frustrated. But if he had answers, Syaoran wanted to ask. It was best to get as much information as you could before making a theory. 

He turn to Watanuki with a polite nod of his head, "Thank you, Watanuki. I think I will.”

___________

 

Youou tossed back a shot of the _very_ good something or other that Fai had pressed into his hands, and tried to ignore the chatter coming from his - drinking partner? Ugh, whoever this guy was, he had glued himself to Youou’s side and would not. Shut. Up. 

Fai was draped against him (which Youou had protested loudly three times before giving up) and holding his cup of liquor,   
talking about some topic or another. His original impression of the guy, that anxiety and tenseness had eased as he talked and drank, and now he was basically a loose lipped and annoying floppy cat. Youou still didn’t like him, but there was no point to getting worked up. 

“Oh, Youou-wawa, you have to hear this story!” Except at that. His nicknames had gotten more and more ridiculous, and Youou was about ready to clobber the guy just over that. 

“I told you not to call me stupid names!” 

Fai pouted. “Oh, but they’re not _stupid_ , they’re signs of my affections!” he fluttered. Youou rolled his eyes, and shoved him off his shoulder. Again. 

Fai took that opportunity to pour himself and Youou another drink of something different from a old looking bottle. He handed him the new glass, and Youou took a sip. Good, very good. 

“The last time I tried this wine, I was in a monk’s monastery, on the top of a mountain in the north countries. Now, you may ask why a monk would have such expensive wine, but that was a whole other story. Anyway, there I was, hiking up the steep slopes, having my hair freeze it was so cold and this monk comes running out the side of the hill just popped out of nowhere - and waved his hands at me. You might imagine, I was startled. Not everyone can see little old me, you know? He looked so alarmed, waving his hands at me, because I’d been hiking through his prized mountain top rutabaga garden! I di-”

“Rutabagas don’t grow in the mountains, who grows rutabagas in the mountains?” A voice interrupted. Youou looked up from his wine to see that kid, Watanuki, coming up with another young regalia behind him. Fai had, apparently, already met them both, for he straightened up with a bright smile. 

“Ah! Watanuki-kun, Syaoran-kun!” Fai greeted them with enthusiasm. “Are you both staying out of trouble? Have you tried the wine?”

Youou sighed in exasperation, and smacked Fai on the shoulder. 

“They’re minors.” Well, he assumed they both were. The other, Syaoran could have been around a while longer, but as he’d never seen him before, he figured he was new. And young. 

“They’re regalia, it doesn’t matter.” Fai pointed out, and Youou had to concede the point. No one really followed human laws - especially on drinking ages. They were dead, what did it matter? Fai poured two new cups, and handed it to the kids. 

“Uh-um no, I haven’t tried it…” Syaoran said, taking the cup. He was nervous looking, and very young, and he probably shouldn’t be drinking, but hey, Youou wasn’t his god. 

Watanuki, however, waved his hands at the offered cup, frowning. “I’ve tried sake, that was enough for me,” he said. Fai pulled the cup back, and held it close, pouting and whining. 

“Aw, Watanuki-kun! One taste of sake isn’t enough! You must try this one!” He shoved the cup forward again, so Watanuki had no choice to take it unless he wanted it to end up on the ground. 

Watanuki scowled, sniffed the cup and took a sip. Grimacing, he swallowed, and replied. “Yeah, mhm, wonderful.”   
Syaoran meanwhile, was looking at the cup with misgivings. Youou leaned down slightly, to speak. 

“You don’t have to drink that.” he said, but Syaoran took that was a challenge, and took a sip of his own. He made a face.   
“It gets better the more you drink it!” Fai chirped, taking a sip of his own. 

“If something has to get better the more you drink it, then it wasn’t very good to start with, now was it?” Watanuki said, pushing the mostly full cup back into Fai’s hands, and beginning to pick up the bottles on the table, complaining about something or another. A fair few had already been depleted, and a not insubstantial amount had been drunk between he and Fai already. 

“You’re a bad influence,” Youou said to Fai. Fai laughed. 

“Ah, Youou-rin, you need more alcohol as well. You’re getting grumpy.” He poked him in the arm, and Youou rolled his eyes again. 

“Don’t tell me what to do.” 

Watanuki continued muttering to himself, as he cleaned up, before turning back to them. 

“You all drink too much.” he said, including even Syaoran apparently, who’d drunk almost half of his cup already. Fai giggled at Watanuki’s ire, and Youou grumbled at Syaoran to slow down. 

Syaoran half laughed, lowering his cup. 

“I’m Syaoran, one of Sakura’s regalia.” 

“Youou,” he said, very firmly ending with name with no honorific. Fai threw his arm around Youou’s shoulders again, giggling in his ear. 

“Don’t be fooled by his _scary_ face, Youou-pipi is quite the sweetheart underneath,” he simpered.   
Youou glared at Fai, whose face was far too close for comfort. “You don’t even know me. And get the hell off!”   
He rolled his shoulder, as Fai laughed and was tossed back. 

“Sorry, Youou-puu, you’re just so cute, I couldn’t help myself~!”

He ran away as Youou made an aborted lunge after him. The kid was looking up at him with wide eyes, and Youou sighed. He’d get that idiot back later. Instead, he took another drink, throwing back the rest of the wine that Fai had picked out, and pouring something more close to his usual. Namely, sake. 

Syaoran took another drink as well, and then looked up at Youou. 

“How long have you been a regalia?” he asked, in the silence. Youou blinked. Thought. 

“Ah, gee, kid. Years. I don’t know.” 

Syaoran relaxed a little, with another sip. “Then you must know a lot, then. Watanuki said you were very helpful to him.”   
Watanuki. Of course. He does _one_ nice thing. “I know some.” Youou said, then he glanced over to where Sakura was speaking with Tomoyo. It was one thing to lecture Yuuko’s regalia about shit - he knew what she wouldn’t say, because she’s Yuuko and she doesn’t care. Sakura cared a lot - if he overstepped a line by teaching one of hers, she might be offended. “But, you should ask your god.” 

Syaoran blinked and looked down. 

“Yeah...but she’s not a regalia. I’m not sure she understands…” he trailed off. 

Youou sighed. “What do you want to know?”

“I- ” Syaoran started, but stopped himself for a moment. “Are we human?” 

Youou frowned. It wasn’t an uncommon question, for a regalia, but it wasn’t one he’d been asked before. 

“Well, yeah. That’s the whole point. We remember morals and sins the way the gods don’t. We’re human.” 

Youou was surprised at the tension that melted from the kid’s shoulders. He let out a breath, relief spread across his face. 

“I’m glad.” He smiled up at Youou. “Thank you, Youou-san.”

Youou cracked a half smile. 

“Don’t worry about it, kid.” 

Syaoran took another gulp from his cup, finishing it off. “Well, I’ve been a regalia for a week. And I don’t remember anything from before that… not that many people have answered me clearly when I asked. So, thank you very much.”   
Youou blew out a breath. “Sorry ’bout that. Far Shore people tend to be more cryptic than I am, usually.” he said, thinking of Yuuko, of this Fai guy with more behind his smile than he told, and even Tomoyo. 

“I’m sorry to burden you,” Syaoran replied. “I just want to do my best to serve Sakura-sama. And I think I need to know more to do that.” 

Youou waved a hand. “Like I said kid, it was no problem.” He finished off the sake - much better than the fancy wine or whatever that Fai had pressed on him - and saw Tomoyo waving from the porch. He clapped a hand on Syaoran’s shoulder, and moved off. 

“Well, good luck kid.”

~

At some point, Fai and Yuuko disappeared. When they returned, the alcohol had mysteriously doubled, and everyone was preparing to call it a night and get dead drunk. Youou partook, but his tolerance was high, but pretty much everyone else - even the younger gods and regalia who really shouldn’t be drinking so much - fell into their cups. 

Yuuko was laughing merrily, red faced and loud. Fai was dancing around like a loon, with a few younger gods, including Sakura and her new regalia, Syaoran. Somehow cats had been mentioned, and now half of that crowd were meowing over and over again, like it was funniest thing in the world. Even Tomoyo was giggling over her cup, her eyes on Sakura. Youou yawned, feeling relaxed even if he was annoyed at the hour and still wanting to go home. It wasn’t until after midnight that everyone started to stagger over to the gazebo in order to transport up to Heaven, and into their own places. 

Youou followed Tomoyo through the portal and home, shaking off the alcohol as he did so. After all, Tomoyo had been   
attacked in these very halls only days ago. It wouldn’t do to be vulnerable now.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all liked it! Feel free to ask us any questions you have and we'll do our best to answer (unless it's spoilery then no dice hehe), or any other sort of thoughts you have! We'll do our best to post chapters weekly.
> 
> We hope you enjoy our story! Thanks for reading!


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